After filing my taxes back in March I thought I would be able to extend my sabbatical for at least a couple of months but things didn't quite go that direction and my bank account ended up drying up on me faster than I thought.
To be honest, I am happy that things sped up a little bit since I felt like an overdue pregnant woman, scared of the delivery but also impatient to get done with the process to enjoy the outcome. The last few days I have been in a state of anticipation, hoping that in the light of my current financial situation I could feel some fears rising up within me but, much with my surprise, I have been quite calm and composed about it. So this morning I decided to take the matter in my hands and speed up the process.
In the past couple of weeks I have been watching many of Jesus and Mary's videos talking about fears and how to release them and one stuck with me more than others. It talked about a breathing technique that can be implemented to access hidden fears and it included an explanation of the stages of its release.
This morning I was alone at home and didn't have any commitment scheduled so I thought it would be a good time to kick off the process. I watched the clock, it was 10:43AM. I decided I was going to do belly breathing for about 10min and see what would happen.
At first I felt a little uncomfortable but I pushed through and kept breathing and breathing while sitting on a chair in front of my bedroom's window. Looking outside distracted me and helped me go on. After about 10 mins I started to feel a tingling in my fingers and I could feel the blood flowing in my veins from the underarms to the tip of my fingers.
I thought this was an already encouraging symptom so I kept breathing until my body stiffened up. At this point breathing became quite difficult and I felt as if I had a weight on my chest. The sound I was making reminded me of the typical yoga sigh with a closed throat.
In spite of the difficulty, I kept breathing from the belly and suddenly I realized my hands had assumed a rather appalling shape. They were twisted inwards forming a 90 degree angle with the forearm, the pinky and the ring finger being rigidly stuck together while forming a pretty big gap with the index and middle finger, also stuck together. Finally, the thumb was tilted inwards aligned with the middle finger. I knew I had accessed something and as my hands became more numb and more stiff I kept breathing and surrendering to the process.
Next step, my face and legs started to tickle as well. The legs then lifted up in the air dangling a few inches from the floor and they began to shake profusely.
At this stage I felt paralyzed and my breathing coupled with a chaotic cry. I felt stuck in my body but at the same time I had never been more present. I prayed God and my spirit guides to be close to me and help me in the process.
Towards the end, when my legs and hands started to unlock from the grip of fear (this happened over a span of several minutes), I was able to move from the chair to my bed and there I lied down shaking and breathing some more.
When everything was over I tilted my head to check the time, it was 11:24AM. The entire process had taken about 40mins to complete.
I know it’s too early to draw conclusions but here are a couple of things that I noticed:
- 1) These fears didn't feel related to my current financial situation but felt more like a global sense of terror.
- 2) After the process, I noticed a marked sense of relief and inner peace along with the certainty that no fear can be too big to be released.
I'm planning to repeat the process again and again in the next few weeks until there will be no more shaking or stiffness. Along with that I'm also excited to see if there will be any other changes in my life. In the past I would have asked you to wish me good luck but today I know courage is what we need. Courage to try new paths, to take the leap, to experiment with God and with the pinnacle of His creations: our Soul!
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1AasGsF2sUc